Burnham Tour Dates Announced

The Cost of Living tour - nationwide dates!

Source: https://news.sky.com/story/andy-burnham-to-start-national-tour-to-hear-cost-of-living-concerns-13571267

Sky News reports:

Andy Burnham will start a national tour on Monday to hear people's concerns over the cost of living.

The prime minister will spend much of the rest of August in "listening mode" as he travels across the country, officials said.

He also plans to use the national tour to tell voters about his 10-year plan for the UK.

It's not clear which comes first 'listening' or 'telling'.

It's a pity Northern comic Bernard Manning is no longer with us as he could have been a great opening act for Burnham.

Driving instructor to Welsh farmer: Can you make a U-Turn?

Farmer: Make a ewe turn? I can make its eyes water!

The opening date is in Clacton, a seaside town where Manning could have opened with:

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are walking on a beach where they spot a mermaid.

Englishman: Have you ever been kissed? The mermaid says no, so he kisses her.

Scotsman: Have you ever been fondled? The mermaid says no, so he fondles her.

Irishman: Have you ever been f**ked? The mermaid says no. Well you have now. The tide's gone out!

Attendees at the tour venues will all be given a goodie bag containing supermarket vouchers for 50% off Northern classics such as tripe, black pudding and parkin.

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