To stop the UK 'freeloading' on the past and instead encourage freeloading on the future, UK PM Sir Keir Starmer has announced six new policy 'milestones':
• Raising living standards in every part of the UK - a free weekly bacon roll/chicken tikka for everyone
• Rebuilding Britain - by demolishing all the crappy houses built in the last 50 years and replacing them with Anderson Shelters
• Ending hospital backlogs - so that 92% of patients will wait at least 18 months on a gurney in a corridor
• Putting police back on the beat - with 13 additional officers and a named police officer for every county in the UK
• Giving children the best start in life - by ensuring 75% of five-year-olds in England have their own OnlyFans page
• Securing home grown energy - by legalising marijuana so we can all spark up a doobie to minimise 'heat poverty'
Noticeably absent was a milestone for reducing illegal immigration as no-one could possibly take that seriously.