New Job Centre Vacancy

The Royal Navy has been forced to advertise in Job Centres for a new Director of Submarines.

According to The Maritime Executive: Responsibilities include "highly classified stealth, elite operations and Trident, our nuclear deterrent." The position also has oversight of all of the UK's highly technical submarine repair and acquisition programs.

FNN visited a local job centre where interest in the position was high. Potential applicants included a former septic tank installer, a coffee bar barista and someone dressed like Spongebob Squarepants.

The Navy denied that an application had been received by post from Commander 'Buster' Crabb, a longterm resident of a rest-home in Siberia, who was last seen diving under a Soviet cruiser berthed at Portsmouth Dockyard in 1956.

Former Australian U-Boat Commander Bill "Wolfpack" Heslop commented:

The poms have really lost it. No sailors. Submarines held together by glue. Trident missiles going plop after launch.

Whatever happened to Brittania rules the waves?

Good job there isn't a cod war with Iceland or an Argentine invasion of the Falklands. They'd be f**ked.

Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.