Following news that the biggest US newspaper chain is advertising for dedicated reporters to cover Taylor Swift and Beyonce, FNN has learned that a job advert is out to exclusively cover Scotland's finest export: Rab C Nesbitt!
A spokesperson explained:
We are looking for an energetic writer, photographer and social media pro who can quench an undeniable thirst for all things Rab with a steady stream of content across multiple platforms.
We need a reporter that can cover every aspect of Rab's lifestyle from his sartorial elegance and deep political insights to his love for a bevy and posse of drinking buddies.
The reporter must also be totally 'down with the clansmen' of Govan and Craiglang, be fit enough to walk 500 miles and able to 'smell nookie' from miles way.
The job requires at least five years experience years of Barlinnie jail and a Glasgow bus pass, and offers a salary of £10-11 per hour plus a free pie and beans lunch washed down with a can of Tennants.
Rab himslef is not impressed, commenting that 'All this malarky is messin' wi' ma' heed.'