Sales of custard powder are up due to the increasing popularity of sploshing.
A splosher, who wanted to remain anonymous, told FNN:
As a child I always got a thrill from pouring custard on my spotted dick.
Now as an adult I pay women hundreds of pounds a month to pour custard over their bodies and writhe about in a yellow sticky mess.
FNN consulted the famous psychiatrist, Dr Emile Shaffhausen from the Davos Clinic for Deviants, who told us:
Sploshing is an example of what we specialists call Dessert Deviancy.
It emanates from a childhood where desserts were restricted and therefore the vulnerable child feels deprived of sweetness and love.
This manifests itself in adult life by activities such as sploshing, which generally involves custard, but can also involve Nutella and even Marmite in extreme cases.
I recommend plenty of custard on everything.