FNN has been told of an extraordinary offer made to the West by Russian President Vladimir Putin:
I'll offer them a deal. If they stop telling the truth about us, we'll stop telling lies about them.
A pipe-smoking spokesperson in a Gannex macintosh commented:
I have this to say to Mr Putin: the only limits to power are the bounds of belief.
And it's not true that I am being paid £100 a month for consultations and technical advice ... in respect of Gannex sales to the USSR.
That's an MI5 smear.
I'm also not a commercial traveller and male model as Private Eye claims.
Marcia Forkbender was unavailable for comment.