One of Britain's most famous private banks has announced that it is reviewing the banking arrangements of a mysterious entity known as 'The Firm' with regards to its reputational risk to the bank.
FNN was shocked to learn that the bank has discovered:
- the Firm has inherited a worldwide web of assets
- many of the Firm's assets were acquired under dubious circumstances over hundreds of years of sometimes violent regime changes
- the head of the Firm is in cahoots with the Davos-based Mysterons to promote climate-change conspiracies
- a member of the Firm is responsible for playing chess with human lives in war-torn Afghanistan
- the Firm is at the head of an army, much bigger than the Wagner Group, that has been deployed globally in support of colonial objectives to build a substantial empire known as 'The Commonwealth'
A spokesperson for the bank told FNN:
Following the de-banking of Nigel Farage, we have decided to do a full review of the way we manage our reputational risk.
So as a demonstration of our commitment, we are reviewing our arrangements with the Firm, one of our oldest customers, in our mission to discover and root out "disingenuous grifters".