Banks to Exclude Customers

In order to become more inclusive

Coutts Bank has closed the accounts of Nigel Farage for his non-inclusive views.

Yes, Nigel is non-u as Nancy Mitford might have said.

The BBC and others in the UK MSM, gleefully and falsely reported that the accounts were closed due to his having insufficient funds.

Right-wing Brexiteer and GB News anchor Farage has insufficient funds! What larks, pip old boy!

As a result of this fiasco, FNN has learned that banks are now going to exclude non-inclusive customers.

Specifically Coutts said that it "did not think continuing to bank NF was compatible with Coutts given his publicly-stated views that were at odds with our position as an inclusive organisation."

A spokesperson for the Depositors Organization for Gender-Positive Enterprises (DOPEs) told FNN:

Banks must become more inclusive organizations, so we are recommending to our members that they close all accounts belonging to straight white males, TERFs and other deplorables and only accept new account applications from alphabet customers.

Let's be clear: Modern banking is not about the circulation of money to help society develop.

No. Banks must fulfil their real role as closet social engineers and not just institutions that muck about taking peoples' money, gamble it on the stock market and then demand bailing-out when they made the wrong bets and can't pay their bonuses.

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