After a lengthy Swedish investigation, the culprit for the destruction of the Nordstream pipeline in the Baltic sea has been identified: Spongebob Squarepants!
Apparently the pipeline, which runs directly through Spongebob's hometown of Bikini Bottom, was causing problems with Spongebob's home as oil leaks were polluting his pineapple.
Patchy and Potty told FNN:
We had to get rid of the pipeline as it was interfering with the flavour of our Krabby Patty burgers.
The CIA commented on the new revelation:
At last we can put all those ridiculous conspiracy theories about Ukrainian yachts and Hershian fantasies to bed.
Thanks to a thorough investigation by the Swedes, we now have the definitive truth about who was really behind the destruction of the pipeline.
We have always known that the Spongebob theme is a popular marching tune in Russia from its use at the Victory Day parade by the Submariner Service.
Even though it wasn't the Russians, or former President Trump, we still suspect that they were both somehow involved in 'turning' Spongebob to do their nefarious bidding for them.