Boris the Beluga (aka Hvaldimir in Norway) is suspected by the Norwegian authorities of being a party to the destruction of the Nordstream 2 pipeline in the Baltic Sea.
Boris, a white Beluga, is a graduate of the Russian Beluga Training School based in the Barents sea.
He was recently spotted saluting Putin from a trailer-borne watertank at the May 9th victory parade in Moscow and is now thought to be spying on Norway from his underwater base deep in the Oslo Fjord.
Equipped with his own strapped-on camera, allegedly manufactured in St Petersburg, Boris has been tracked travelling around the Scandinavian seaways taking photos of fishing boats, military sites and foxy sunbathing Swedish babes.
A spokesperson for the US law firm Delay, Divert and Deny investigating the causes of the Nordstream explosions told FNN:
Boris could easily have been trained to to place magnetic explosive devices on the pipeline ready for remote detonation.
He was spotted smiling and chirping and handing out free caviar near the Nordstream location just before the explosion. Is there nothing these crazy Russians won't stoop to?
EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen commented:
We have banned Belugas from all EU territorial waters and they cannot be served in German fish and chip shops as they may contain traces of Novichok. Vorsprung Durch Teknik!