Big New Defence Order

Defence budget to be inflated after new review

Czech company Inflatech is a maker of inflatable weaponry that is literally used to inflate the number of weapons on a battlefield at much lower cost than the real thing.

FNN has learned that Inflatech may be about to get its biggest order ever from the UK's Ministry of Defence (MoD).

A MoD spokesperson told us:

We are not confirming this rumour but it would hardly be surprising given the current constraints on defence spending.

We have given most of our tanks and ammunition to the Ukraine; our latest aircraft carrier is in dry-dock being repaired and our submarines are being glued back together.

A whole new fleet of modern, inflatable weaponry could be just what we need to deter Russian aggression, especially as they don't require trained personnel to operate, just a pump, which is handy as the Army is woefully under-manned anyway.

Another indication that this rumour may be true is that a new Regiment is quietly being formed - the 1st Pneumatic Pioneers - whose training depot is expected to be the former Raleigh Bicyle factory in Nottingham. The Army is looking for volunteers with exceptional lung capacity.

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