Rab C Nesbitt's hit String Vest Santa will not be the No.1 hit in the Scottish hit parade this Christmas, after being knocked off the top slot by a record that seemed to come in from nowhere after being officially endorsed by the Scottish Parliament:
All I Want for Christmas is a New Gender
Apparently children have been pestering their parents for a 'new gender' for Christmas, which is something you just can't find in the shops.
This jaunty tune, complete with bagpipes, is popular with teens as young as 12 who are responding in droves to the catchy chorus:
All I want for Christmas is to change my gender
To be a bender, to change my gender
Gee, if only I could do it without my parents knowing
Then I could wish you, Merry Christmas
Despite the clunky lyrics, clearly based on the old US hit All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, FNN thinks this 21st century version is destined to be become a Hogmanay classic.
If only Andy Stewart were alive to sing it in his unisex kilt, what a tune of glory it could become for multi-gender Scotland!
Rab C Nesbitt was unavaliable for comment as he told FNN that the whole affair is messin' wi ma heed.