Following pleas from the bosses of the UK's largest pub and brewing chains for Government support during the energy crisis, the Mayor of Madchester has called for pubs to be nationalized.
A spokesperson for the Mayor told FNN:
It was a disaster when Thatcher privatized the pub sector to allow people to drink whatever they wanted in their local. Now the energy crisis means that many pubs will have to close and this could lead social unrest in places like Madchester and probably everywhere in Scotland.
We want to return to the time when every pub served Watney's Red Barrel or Double Diamond or Tennants and none of this foreign muck from the EU and elsewhere...when the trains ran on time, there was no rubbish on the streets, cutlery came from Sheffield and British manufacturing led the world.
A spokesperson for the Home Brewers Organization (HBO) commented:
Let's look on the bright side! This will be a shot in the arm for home-brewing industry and we expect kits for Cider, Lager, Stout to fly off the shelves and add yet another empty shelf to the rows in every British supermarket. Bonus!