Following the announcement that both Shetland and Orkney will become independent from Scotland and reconnect with Norway, the Norwegian Sovereign Wealth Fund has made an offer for Scotland which has been accepted by the Westminster Government in London.
Norwegian Government spokesperson Greta Iwishyouweremydottir, a foxy blond with a killer rack, explained:
Our relationship with Scotland goes back over a millennium to when Norwegian vikings ravaged the coastal areas and carried off hundreds of Celts to sell in the slave markets of Constantinople where gingers and people with freckles fetched a high price.
We have contracted Elon Musk's Boring Company to build a tunnel between Arbroath and Stavanger to facilitate the transportation of smoked kippers to Norway. There will be freedom of movement between the two countries, except for the exclusion zone around Glasgow as we can't understand their banter.
FNN asked a bunch of Celtic and Ranger fans what they thought and they began singing:
Who ate all the herrings...you fuckers did! ...followed by... Oslo is the pits. Oslo is the pits. E-i-adio Oslo is the pits.
EU spokesperson Ursula von Richthofen told FNN:
Thank goodness Norway has decided to buy Scotland. Now they won't be pestering us to rejoin the EU.
A spokesperson for Scotland's First Minister commented:
Once again we have been sold down the river by the duplicious Westminster government. First it was North Sea Oil and now Arbroath Smokies. The only good news is that we will save money by cancelling the second independence referendum.
Oh...and the First Minister is looking forward to her new job as Mayor of Narvik.