HM Government announced that they are in negotiations with Amazon to use their Prime Senior offering as the basis for a new lockdown Tier 65 - to be mandatory for everyone who receives the UK state pension.
Prime Senior comprises the following services:
- free delivery by drone
- Amazon Music and Video
- Amazon Book Club
- Amazon Grocery
- Amazon Alcohol
- Amazon Prescriptions & Vaccines
- Amazon Escort
Amazon will install Alexa devices all over the prisoner's (sorry pensioner's) home to control heating, lighting, water etc via a voice controlled mobile app. Their whole life will be managed via Alexa and Amazon.
An Amazon spokesperson explained:
Tier 65 is a perfect fit for our Prime Senior service and we look forward to serving millions of new subscribers. We are taking E M Forster's dictum - Only Connect - to heart. By which we mean only connect to Amazon, connecting to other human beings is no longer required making this ideal for seniors struggling to cope in lockdown Britain.
Fake News understands that once the Alexa devices are installed, users will be treated to a free version of the classic Zager and Evans song In the Year 2525 and a free PDF copy of E M Forster's short story The Machine Stops as a welcome bonus!