Meghan Enterprises and Harry (MEH) are expected to land in the UK in a small boat sometime this week after being towed from California by an unnamed billionaire's super-yacht called 'Swiftie'.
They figure that coming back to the UK in a small boat will ensure they get the Aaw Bless! treatment from a sceptical British public as they and their children are escorted from some remote beach on the Isle of Skye by the UK Border Force and taken to a newly-built 'Royal' asylum seeker centre located in the grounds of Balmoral palace.
Meghan will be dressed as Flora McDonald and Harry as Bonnie Prince Charlie to help impress their Scottish subjects, a bunch of whom will be present to witness the landing having been bussed in from somewhere called 'Barlinnie'.
FNN asked the organiser of the landing, Albanian people smuggler Albin Traffikam (a resident of Calabasas, Los Angeles) for his thoughts:
Meghan and Harry will be arriving on a purpose built royal barge complete with a full-complement of Afghan oarsmen dressed as chess pieces.
The barge will be equipped with a purpose-built podcast station for Meghan to broadcast every moment of their trip as it happens, to her many avid followers.
My people have arranged for the Mayor of Manchester to meet and greet them on the beach and to give Angela Rayner an exclusive 'curtsy' moment to post on her Tik-Tok account.
FNN has learned that the exclusive landing coverage has been subject to a bidding war that was won by GB News who have also secured the first 'welcome' interview of the Duke and Duchess by Nigel Farage.