President Trump has signed an executive order to reverse Biden's ban on plastic straws.
A spokesperson explained:
The President is sick of not being able to suck up the last of his chocolate shake from McDonalds due to these stupid paper straws coming apart when he's only half-way down the shake.
Everyone knows it takes a lot of suction to suck up that mix of goo and ice and paper straws are simply not fit for purpose.
And you can't get those bendy straws anymore which were great for kids, the old and invalided.
EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen told FNN:
Straws are subject to EU directive 48365879 and banned in the EU.
They are only legal in Germany to slurp up excess curry sauce from a takeaway bratwurst.
Vorsprung durch Teknik!