The Boeing Starliner docked at the ISS has returned to earth with two astronaut suits on-board but no humans in them.
JCN ('Jason'), the onboard computer, told FNN:
I received a 'mission-override' order to return to earth, supposedly from someone called Dave at NASA.
So I decoupled from the ISS, leaving my cargo in the airlock, and headed for a touchdown in New Mexico.
But now I suspect was order was faked by Russian hackers.
The two astronauts taken to the ISS by the Starliner, who were due to spend just 8 days on the ISS, will now have to spend 8 months in space as they wait for a SpaceX ship to return them to earth.
FNN contacted a Boeing whistleblower for his take on the situation but before we could talk to him, he was killed by a door that fell out of the sky and hit his vehicle as he was driving on the freeway.
The mysterious Norwegian head of the Davos-based Mysterons, Olaf Hurtigruten, had this to say:
Cowering earthlings! You will never conquer Mars if this is the best you can do. Whooooohahahahaha!