Following allegations that the Russian army is using Nepalese mercenaries to fight in the Ukraine, the British Army has admitted that it has been using them for over two centuries.
The British mercenaries, known as 'burpas', have served the crown with great honour since 1817 and are a greatly feared adversary for the enemies of the UK. They were first recruited after routing the 3rd Foot and Mouth regiment in the Khyber Pass with the cold steel of their kukris.
Most of the burpas come from the territory ruled by the Khasi of Kalabar and his zaftig daughter Princess Jeli-Beli.
The Russians have decided that they too can hire mercenaries from the Nepal region and deploy them as front-line troops. Unfortunately burpas prefer a 'full english' for breakfast and have been unable to stomach a diet of borscht and kvass so many are trying to get out of their contracts.
One recruit told FNN that they were promised unlimited access to Bungdit Din's concubine harem but all they got was drone strikes and a never-ending supply of cucumbers and buckwheat kasha.