Following the failure of the Russian FSB to poison anyone using the 'deadly' nerve agent Novichok, FNN has learned that the FSB is testing a new highly toxic way of disposing of 'traitors'.
The new toxin, known as TMT (This Morning Toxin), is being tested in Moscow as a possible replacement for Novichok due to its proven very high toxicity.
So far, FSB volunteers who have been strapped to chairs and forced to watch the This Morning show at all hours of the day have begged their tormentors for mercy in scenes very reminiscient of the Ludovico treatment being applied to Alex in Kubrick's 1971 movie A Clockwork Orange.
MI5 will be keeping any eye out for anyone reported to have croaked while watching ITV's popular morning show just in case this can be connected to Russia rather than natural causes or COVID.
Expect a rash of 'death by TMT' cases.