Westminster has threatened to block the controversial Scottish gender-change law and replace it with a different version.
A Government spokesperson told FNN:
We intend to change the nature of the gender-change legislation to instead allow children younger than 16 to self-identify as English, Northern-Irish or Welsh.
It is well-known that many young people are confused about their nationality, so they should be given the opportunity to self-identify as something other than Scottish if they wish to.
After all, not every child is mad about macaroon bars and Irn-Bru, so they should be given the opportunity to try living as another national identity - from within the Union of course - to see how it compares with the nationality they were born with.
We hope that many Scottish children will see the benefits of self-identifying as English so they can influence the next independence vote, whenever we will allow that to be.
That's why the parents of those children who choose to self-identify as English will get a generous tax-break and a free lifetime supply of Branston Pickle, Melton Mowbray Pork pies and Chicken Tikka Masala.
EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen commented:
The EU will not recognise any self-identification of nationality by 'people from Scotland' unless it includes the option to choose EU nationality at the top of the list. This is just another post-Brexit betrayal of our cherished EU values by the British. Vorsprung Durch Teknik!