Two new Scottish freeports are to be established and expected to lead to the second 'Highland Clearances' as young people move in droves to the new ports for the promised 75000 job opportunities.
The new freeports, to be built by China as part of their 'belt and braces' initiative, will have one major objective: To act as an entry point for immigrants who will then be housed in former Army Barracks located in remote but picturesque Highland locations such as 'Heather Glen'.
Heather Glen, aka Selarang Barracks, was home to the famous Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders of 'thin red line' and Aden fame. The Argylls were formerly commanded by Colonel 'Mad Mitch' Mitchell - a real soldier if ever there was one.
The term 'freeport' is somewhat of a misnomer as the only exports permitted are tartan, tweed, whisky, macaroon bars and Irn-Bru - the mainstays of Scotland's industrial might.
Scottish business expert Rab C Nesbitt, based in the Govan Centre for Regional Excellence and Levelling Up in the suburbs of leafy Glasgow, told FNN:
I dinna hold wi' no Freeports. They're messin' wi' ma' heed. Anyone got a bevy?