Police Introduce Hamster Officer

UK Police recognise rise in new kinds of crime.

The UK police force has introduced its first Hamster officer in an effort to curb the recent rise in Hamster-napping during the COVID pandemic.

Hamsters (and gerbils) have always been an easy steal for criminals, as the cute little things fit nicely in a coat pocket, and incur minimal cost in terms of upkeep until they can be sold off.

The Police recently raided a hamster "kennel" where hundreds of stolen hamsters (and gerbils) were found in racks of cages running around on wheels to generate electricity to power the thief's house.

He was only caught because he applied for a Government renewable energy grant, for which power generated by hamsters is not eligible.

The same thief was also found to be running a popup takeway van offering spit-roasted guinea pigs, responding to a new snack-craze imported from Peru.

A police spokesperson told FNN:

Imagine a child's face when they discover their hamster (or gerbil) has been stolen. It may seem like a minor crime but it can cause real emotional stress. And most of the public do not realise that stolen hamsters (and gerbils) are now powering approximately 1% of the national power grid. 

We are also considering creating other roles for officers to help combat the rise in iguana, snake and frog-napping. Although God knows what they use them for.

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