According to a spokesperson, Greta Thunberg has nothing but best wishes for the newly inaugurated President, saying:
He seems like a very happy old man looking forward to a bright and wonderful future.
What a lovely positive sentiment from the Swedish phenomenon. A good job we at FNN remembered it. Let the healing begin.
This typical Swedish understatement from Greta was a little less dramatic than the effect the inauguration had on many others, who reported that they "had chills", "wet themselves", "reached for the tissues" or had a "Meg Ryan" when the devilishly handsome and masked Joe Biden was sworn in.
Inside sources also told FNN that the new President received a number of inauguration gifts, including:
- a carbon-neutral (i.e. unmotorised) zimmer frame for rejoining the Paris Climate Accord
- a crate of Red Bull and an Amazon subscription to Viagra
- a signed poster of Melania Trump in her model days for his "basement"
- a replica Pete Townshend guitar and a pinball machine for re-joining the WHO
We asked for a comment from VP Kamala Harris but she was busy doing a reshoot for Vogue magazine.